I Am a Villain, So What?

Chapter 229: Calm before storm

Alicia carefully adjusted the mana flow beneath the heavy iron pan.

The orange fire obediently weakened, spreading evenly across the metal surface. A rich, savory aroma filled the kitchen as the meat pie continued to bake. To anyone looking through the window, it was a perfectly ordinary, peaceful domestic scene.

Which, honestly, was fundamentally hilarious.

The future calamity destined to reduce entire empires to ashes—the terrifying ’Crimson Witch’—was currently utilizing her monstrous Level 9 Fire Magic Comprehension just to make sure the breakfast didn’t burn.

Life was strange.

Not that Alicia particularly minded. The smell of warm food filled the estate as morning sunlight streamed through the glass. Over the past few months, this place had slowly shifted from a temporary shelter into something far more grounding. It had become home. The realization had settled so naturally that Alicia didn’t even actively notice it anymore.

The kitchen door swung open, and Lily stepped inside carrying a woven basket of fresh vegetables.

As always, the head chef of Kitchen 21 had already been awake for hours. Alicia sometimes genuinely suspected Lily didn’t require sleep. One moment she would be closing up the diner late at night, and the next, she would somehow already be prepping the estate’s kitchen before the sun even rose.

Lily stopped mid-step. "You started again."

Alicia didn’t need to turn around. She already knew exactly what Lily was looking at.

"I did not."

Lily set the basket on the counter and pointed a highly accusatory finger toward the grand dining table.

Alicia reluctantly followed the finger.

Fresh bread. A massive meat pie. A steaming pot of potato soup. Crispy bacon. Scrambled eggs. Sliced fruit. Freshly brewed tea. Several assorted side dishes.

"..." "..."

"Alicia," Lily sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I am simply feeding everyone," Alicia replied, her tone perfectly flat.

"There are exactly seven people living in this house."

"Correct."

"You are currently feeding an entire frontline platoon."

Alicia immediately looked away, intensely studying the brickwork of the oven.

"At least be honest about it," Lily groaned.

"I am always honest."

"No. You overcooked again, didn’t you?" Lily crossed her arms. "You panicked about portion sizes."

Alicia remained entirely silent. Which, between the two of them, was basically a full confession. Lily just shook her head. As a seasoned chef, she knew some battles were simply unwinnable. Alicia’s deeply ingrained trauma regarding food scarcity was definitely one of them.

A few moments later, heavy, dragging footsteps echoed through the hallway.

Merle appeared in the doorway, wearing wrinkled clothes and looking exactly like a man who had spent the entire night fighting a losing war against guild paperwork and tax ledgers. His granddaughter wasn’t far behind.

The moment Irina smelled the food, her eyes practically glowed. "Sister Alicia!"

The young girl sprinted into the kitchen, skidding to a halt by the table. "What’s for breakfast today?!"

"Food," Alicia answered mechanically.

"That’s not an answer!"

"It is."

"It isn’t!"

Merle dropped into one of the heavy wooden chairs with a long, suffering groan. "Kid, one day you’re going to realize that arguing with a mage who can vaporize you is a completely pointless endeavor."

"I already know that," Irina huffed, crossing her arms.

"Then why do you keep doing it?"

"Because someday I’ll win!"

Merle stared at his granddaughter. Then he looked at Alicia’s deadpan expression. Then back at Irina. "Poor, delusional child."

"I heard that!"

"You were supposed to."

The loud, chaotic morning atmosphere didn’t last long before the next resident arrived. Another door clicked open, and Nero quietly stepped into the dining room.

As usual, the ten-year-old moved silently enough that most ordinary knights wouldn’t have even registered his arrival. Months ago, the former street slave would have stood rigidly in the corner, staring at the floor and waiting for explicit permission to breathe.

Now, he simply walked over and pulled out a chair at the table.

It was progress. Slow, careful progress. But progress nonetheless.

Alicia walked over and placed a steaming cup of tea directly in front of him.

Nero blinked his large, dark eyes. "...Thank you, Sister Alicia."

Alicia gave a single, firm nod. That was enough conversation for both of them.

The final person arrived several minutes later.

Lucien descended the grand staircase, aggressively rubbing my eyes. His hair was an absolute bird’s nest, and his expression wasn’t much better.

Alicia immediately frowned. The Boss had clearly slept late again.

Not that it was surprising. Ever since he returned from the Winterguard deployment, his sleep schedule had been completely ruined. But yesterday had been particularly brutal. Ariana had dragged him halfway across the Capital to watch a newly released, three-hour theatrical drama.

Why anyone would willingly spend their evening watching fictional nobles create highly avoidable misunderstandings instead of just talking to each other was completely beyond my comprehension. Yet, somehow, I had returned to the estate close to midnight looking far more exhausted than I did after fighting a C-Rank boss monster. The social stamina required to date a Duke’s daughter was truly terrifying.

He yawned loudly as he dragged himself into the dining room.

Then, he stopped dead in my tracks. His tired gaze slowly swept across the massive oak table.

Bread. Pie. Soup. Eggs. Bacon. Tea. Fruit. Half a dozen side dishes.

It was enough food to sustain a small military siege.

I looked at the table. Then I looked at Alicia. Then back at the table.

"..." "..."

"Alicia," I said, my voice heavy with sleep deprivation.

"Yes, Boss?" she replied, standing at perfect military attention.

"Are we expecting the Imperial Royal Guard for breakfast?"

"No."

"Then why is there enough food here to feed a small nation?"

Alicia remained entirely silent, staring blankly ahead. Lily immediately looked away, pretending to be intensely focused on wiping down a spotless counter. Merle started chuckling into his hand, and even Nero’s small shoulders twitched slightly as he hid a smile behind his teacup.

Absolute traitors.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache coming on. "Alicia."

"Yes?"

"There are seven people living in this house."

"Correct."

"You have prepared enough food for twenty grown men."

"I accounted for second servings, Boss," Alicia answered without missing a beat.

"Second servings?"

"And possibly thirds."

I stared at her blank, unyielding crimson eyes for a solid five seconds. Then, I just gave up. Pulled out a chair and sat down. Years of gaming and surviving this ridiculous world had taught me that arguing with Alicia about food rationing was a completely pointless endeavor.

Alicia’s stiff posture immediately relaxed. Mission accomplished.

Irina, meanwhile, had already begun ruthlessly attacking the breakfast spread. "So delicious!" the young girl mumbled happily, stuffing her face with a massive slice of meat pie.

Merle looked horrified. "Kid. At least pretend to have some noble manners while we’re living here."

"I’m still growing!"

"That’s not how human biology works."

"It works for me!"

"No. It absolutely doesn’t."

Merle sighed heavily, looking across the table. "Lucien."

"Yeah?" I grunted, buttering a piece of toast.

"Can I trade the child in for store credit?"

"No."

"What if I throw in all the guild tax paperwork?"

"Still no."

Merle looked genuinely, profoundly disappointed.

Irina gasped, dropping her fork. "Grandpa!"

"What?"

"You just tried to sell me to the Boss!"

"I’m a businessman, Irina," Merle said smoothly, taking a sip of his tea. "It’s called exploring strategic negotiations."

"You’re horrible!"

I snorted, nearly choking on my tea.

The chaotic, noisy atmosphere continued throughout the rest of the meal. It was loud. It was deeply unserious. It was a headache.

But it was nice.

It was exactly the kind of morning that had become surprisingly common over the past few months.

Standing quietly near the kitchen door, Alicia watched the others as they ate. She watched Lily passionately discussing ingredient inventory, Merle loudly complaining about the Capital’s suppliers, Irina arguing with absolutely everyone, Nero silently listening and absorbing the chaos, and her Boss desperately trying—and failing—to maintain some semblance of order.

A small, imperceptible smile appeared on the Crimson Witch’s face.

For a brief, quiet moment amidst the noise, she found herself thinking the exact same thing she always did during mornings like this.

I am so incredibly glad he bought me.